A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
