Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
