I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
