Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
