i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
