Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His nipple licking is glorious
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