just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
