you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
