no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
