just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
