You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Barsexuality is the new black.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
