Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
