They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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