I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
