We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
