i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
