Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
