im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
