I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
