i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
