so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
