i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
