is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
