Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
