Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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