I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
