so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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