Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
