Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
