If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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