Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
