Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
