yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
