Just fell off a train. Bad.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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