So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
