There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
