And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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