I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
