I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
