Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
