believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
