I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
