I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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