Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
