He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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