Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
