in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
