There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
