if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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