I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
