I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
