you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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