I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
