dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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