We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
