i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this boner is exhausting
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
