Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
