whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
